


the square root of 11 doesn't exist

by horsetrackhiggs



Category: The Tide (US Band), The Vamps (UK Band)
Genre: Highschool AU, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 4,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horsetrackhiggs/pseuds/horsetrackhiggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>brad: hey can u pls help me with my math homework</p><p>tristan: Uh who is this?</p><p>brad: that doesnt matter rn just help me pls</p><p>[ tradley texting au where brad can't do simple math and connor has a friend who can ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. .1

brad: hey can u pls help me with my math homework 

tristan: Uh who is this? 

brad: that doesnt matter rn just help me pls 

tristan: Who are you and how did you get my number?

brad: if i tell u will u help me

tristan: Sure.

brad: hi im brad 

brad: my bro connor said ur in his class and ur good at math 

brad: now pls help me

tristan: Hi Brad.

tristan: What do you need help with?

brad: so u know chapter 9

tristan: Okay...

brad: all of it


	2. .2

brad: uh hello????

brad: HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO???

brad: pls dont tell me that im a lost cause

brad: i cant go out like this

brad: i'll pay u or suck ur dick just please

brad: IM BEGGING

tristan: Sorry, eating dinner with my family.

tristan: And no thanks.

brad: to the money or my mouth on ur dick

tristan: Both.

brad: but r u going to help me

tristan: Yeah, Brad.

brad: !!!!!!!

brad: so u dont think im a lost cause

brad: im so #blessed 

tristan: This is going to be quite a trip with you, isn't it?

brad: :')


	3. .3

tristan: What do you want to start with?

brad: uhhhhhhhhh

brad: maybe today's homework

tristan: Okay I already did that.

brad: ;)

tristan: What?

brad: o i just

brad: figured u would send me a pic of the answers

tristan: That's cheating, not helping.

brad: ur helping me not cry tho 

tristan: I will not just be giving you answers, I will help you find them though.

brad: fiiiiiiiinnneee :'(

tristan: Have you do any of it?

brad: i did problem 6 and problem 12

tristan: Okay. Let's start with 1 then?

brad: idgaf

tristan: Where do you get stuck on that problem?

brad: tbqh

brad: i dont understand how to find the manguitude of a vector

tristan: Did you write the equation down? It's just the Pythagorean theorem written different. You can just use it the normal way if you want, it just takes longer to write out, I guess.

brad: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

brad: i could kiss u rn


	4. .4

brad: tris

brad: TRISSY

brad: TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

brad: TRISTAN pls

brad: bb pls answr meh

tristan: I'm in class.

brad: well duh i figured bc me 2

brad: BUT GUESS WAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tristan: What?

brad: ok not even going to humor me

brad: i only got 3

brad: 3 is a magic number

brad: BUT ONLY 3 FUCKIN MATH PROBEMS WRONG

brad: I DID SO GOOD AND IT'S THNX TO U!!!!!!!!!

brad: but the teach thought i cheated

brad: so i had to show him our messages and then he believed me

brad: i CANNOT believe grimmy had the AUDCITY

tristan: Are you telling me that Mr. Grimshaw saw you offer to suck my dick?

brad: yea

brad: but he doesnt know that ur the one that is helpin my poor ass :')

tristan: How did you not flip when he head to read about you saying you would suck dick?

tristan: and how does he not know it's me if he read the convo?

brad: well u see i am so gay and #Loud about it so yaknow

brad: probs has hard me talking about eatin ass and suckin dick more than once ;)

brad: and i have u under the contact 'smokin hot math tutor' ;)

tristan: I can't believe you.

tristan: I know you can't see me, but I just banged my head on the table because of you.

brad: not the only time u'll be bangin on a table bc of me ;)))))))))

tristan: Again, you cannot see me, but I am sighing.

brad: ;)


	5. .5

brad: WTF TF THE FUCK

brad: IS THE RESULTANT OF A VECTOR

brad: LIKE?????

brad: WTF IS WITH THE DIRECTION SHIT

brad: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHT

brad: im honest to god crying rn

tristan: When two vectors are added together, the result is called the resultant. When you are stating it, you need the X and Y componets, along with the magnitude and direction. To find the direction, do tan-1 (y/x).

tristan: For example, if you are combining (-5, 6) and (8, -2), it would be (3,4). Square both of those, then find the square root of that, which is 5 in this case. Then do tan-1(4/3), which comes out to be 53.1 degrees. The overall answer would be 53.1 degrees North of East. You can figure out the North and East part when you are graphing it, the x-axis direction goes second, the y-axis direction goes first.

tristan: Okay?

brad: omfg

brad: i think i just came out of joy

tristan: Why?

brad: never in my lyf have i looked at an explaintion of math shit and thought

brad: 'damn i get that shit'

brad: im going to clean myself up and finish my hw ;)

tristan: You're welcome, I guess...


	6. .6

tristan: Mr. Grimshaw just said

tristan: "A kid in my first period got the best grade he's ever gotten in my class today, I'm not sure if he shit himself or busted a nut when he got his paper back."

tristan: Was that about you?

brad: smh @ me next time grimmy

brad: aw tris u kno me so well :')

tristan: You don't seem to have much stamina, do you?

brad: i will not confirm or deny that statement

brad: why dont u find out for urself ;)

tristan: Why would I? How would you lasting 2 seconds be in anyway enjoyable for me?

brad: i am hurt

brad: wounded

brad: heartbroken

brad: never going to heal

tristan: I'm just going by the facts, Brad.

tristan: A math explanation, and a good quiz score put you over the edge, I mean, come on man.

brad: I WAS FUCKIGN KIDDING ABOUT THAT I WASNT SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tristan: Sure.

brad: TRISTAN PLEASE

tristan: :)

brad: FCK U!!!!!!!

tristan: Not like you'll be doing it.

brad: that stings tris

brad: that rly stings :'(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao brad ur nvr gonna win this one
> 
> tumblr: dropthezingle  
> vamps twitter: macklemoretris


	7. .7

brad: i wish i was ur math problem set

brad: bc then i would be rly hard

brad: and u would be doing me on the desk!

tristan: I don't find math hard in any way, honestly.

brad: >:(

brad: y u ruin my pick up line???

tristan: It was lame and didn't work. That's such a basic math one.

tristan: I would have thought that you of all people could have found a better one.

brad: well mister if u can do so much better than prove it >:(

tristan: I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.

tristan: If you were sin^2x and I was cos^2x, then together we'd make one.

tristan: You must be a parabolic asymptote, because you do real interesting things to the behavior of my functions.

tristan: Can I be the hypotenuse in between your legs?

tristan: Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational around you.

brad: tbh

brad: idk what that shit means

brad: but if u wanted to whisper that shit while fucking me

brad: im more than down ;)

tristan: I'm taking this one as a win.

brad: ok ur reward is fucking me

tristan: Raincheck.

brad: so that means u will ;)))))))

tristan: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

brad: OMFG!!!!!!!!!!


	8. .8

tristan: Are you lying to me?

brad: lol about what??

brad: u think im faking being bad at math???

tristan: There is no one named Brad in the junior class.

tristan: Who are you?

brad: im brad

brad: im a senior

brad: senior math classes r too hard for me so i was put in the trig/prob and stats junior class

tristan: Oh.

brad: yea :/

tristan: Sorry for accusing you.

brad: its ok

brad: ur hot

brad: and smart

brad: i forgive

tristan: Thanks?


	9. .9

brad: ( ˘ ³˘)❤

tristan: What?

brad: im smoochin u

tristan: Why though?

brad: cuz u coote

brad: and my quarter grade in math is a solid ass c thanks to u!!!

brad: so

brad: many kisses r comin ur way trissy!!!

brad: （*＾3＾）/～♡

brad: ～(^з^)-♡

brad: ('ε｀*)

brad: (づ￣ ³￣)づ

brad: |°з°|

tristan: This is so extra and ugly stop.

brad: :((((

brad: y u hurt me

brad: im just tryin to tank u :'(

tristan: You could have just said thanks instead of blowing up my phone, dork.

tristan: Brad?

tristan: :*


	10. 1.0

brad: so did i do gud 2day??

tristan: What are you on about?

brad: rly bro

brad: i was on stage for 10 mins

brad: speech + all that shit

brad: even wore an a++ shirt my momma got me :')

brad: i got dressed coded so i had to button it up tho

brad: still rocked it lmao

tristan: That was you?

brad: u couldnt tell :(

tristan: I literally only know your first name, how gay you are, and that you suck at math.

brad: SMH TRIS

brad: anyways

brad: how did i do

brad: i mean penny wars rnt the most fun

brad: but i think i hyped it + the cause amazingly :)

tristan: Uh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

brad: wtf

brad: u suck

brad: nd not even in a my dick kinda way

brad: in a mean way

tristan: Listen, you just...

brad: i what??????

brad: was so boring that u couldnt keep ur eyes open?????

brad: rude ass hoe

tristan: Brad, you like...

tristan: Just looked really, really good.

tristan: And it was kind of distracting, okay?!

brad: omfg


	11. 1.1

tristan: Did you really make up a bullshit excuse to come drag that Ball kid out of class so I would see you?

brad: okay first of all

brad: con had my charger nd i needed it

brad: second

brad: how did i look ;))

tristan: Are you kidding me?

brad: hey :(

brad: i put tons of thought into my outfit 2day :(

brad: once some1 told me stripes suit me

brad: but i guess u dont think so :(

tristan: I never said that.

tristan: And I am definitely not disagreeing.

brad: scandalous!!!

tristan: ;)

brad: so now that we have established that my hot bod gets ur willy wet how about a date in bed

tristan: Not happening, Brad.

brad: ;(


	12. 1.2

brad: wtf r u wearing

tristan: Brad I'm not going to sext you in school.

brad: i dont mean it in a sexy way

brad: i mean it in a wtf were u thinking way

tristan: Hey :(

tristan: Red's my color, I like to show it off...

brad: tris

brad: red jacket

brad: red pants

brad: red shoes

tristan: That is what I'm wearing.

brad: its too much

brad: in a bad way

brad: pls luv urself

tristan: Does this count as bullying?

brad: no

brad: im just trying to help u

tristan: Well I'm hurt.

brad: sometimes the truth hurts babe


	13. 1.3

brad: wait

brad: ik its 3am but

brad: i was looking over our convo frm this morning and

brad: U SAID IN SCHOOL BOY

brad: DOES THAT MEAN U WILL SEXT ME WHEN WE ARENT IN CLASSES?????????

brad: TRISTAN!!!!!!!!!!!!


	14. 1.4

brad: y did u call me that?

tristan: What are you talking about?

brad: ur friend called me the t-slur

brad: which he shouldnt b saying since he's cis

brad: but anyways

brad: u kinda just nodded and said 'yeah yeah'

brad: which is pretty much calling me it bc u agreed

tristan: Brad I really don't listen to what Drew's saying half the time.

brad: ok but like

brad: that word isnt ok

tristan: Calm down, it's not a big deal.

brad: it is to me

brad: i DONT tolerate transphobia

tristan: I'm not doing anything wrong! Jesus stop making this a whole ordeal, Brad.

tristan: It's really petty, dude.

brad: total offense but ur being such an asshole rn

tristan: I'm not the bad guy! Quit making it out like I am.

brad: sayin it as i see it, my guy

tristan: Come on!

tristan: Brad?

tristan: Are you seriously ingoring me?


	15. 1.5

tristan: Hi Brad.

tristan: It's been a few days, I've thought about what I had said, and talked it over it a close friend.

tristan: What I said was insensitive, and was overall douchey. It's a slur that I dont have any right to reclaim, and I am sorry.

tristan: I will be on the watch for anyone else using that word or overall being transphobic. It's fucking wrong.

tristan: I'm sorry I was such an asshole, Brad.

brad: we all make mistakes, tris

brad: we arent born with all this knowlage

brad: i wasnt upset that u didnt know what was wrong with that word

brad: i was pissed bc u werent willing to listen and learn

tristan: Well I am now. Don't hesitate to inform my ass. I teach you math, you teach me how to not be a total prick.

brad: o boy u dont even have 2 ask ;)

tristan: God, I missed you.


	16. 1.6

tristan: I had a dream about you last night.

brad: did u now ;)))

brad: pls tell me in detail i need new jack off material

brad: i will tell u abt the dreams u star in

tristan: JESUS BRAD NOT THAT KIND OF DREAM!

tristan: Wait what you have sex dreams about me?

brad: #yikes u have caught me

brad: but yeah

brad: wat was the dream lmao

tristan: I don't know. You were just...

tristan: There.

tristan: And you looked beautiful with this smile on your face, and the sun hit you just right.

tristan: And everything blurred out, but you were in compete focus.

tristan: It was kind of perfect.

brad: tbh this is SO much better than hearing abt ur wet dreams abt me

brad: fr like im so heart eyes for u rn

brad: omfg ur so cute tris im gonna die

tristan: :D

tristan: Hey...maybe sometime...you should definitely... enlighten me about these inmate dreams you've been having that feature me...okay?

brad: ;)

 


	17. 1.7

brad: hey bb u were in mah dream last nite

tristan: Was I now? Do tell.

brad: well u see...

brad: we were at my house on the couch and facing 1 another

brad: ur hand was slowly rubbin at the inside of my thigh nd u were starin at my soul w/ ur eyes

brad: "tristan" i whimper nd u just smirk

brad: "please" i huff w/ a pout nd u get REAL close to my face...

brad: ur leaning over me and ur other hand squeezes my shoulder

tristan: I like where this is going...

brad: "dont worri" u whisper leaning in close to my ear nd i like shiver a lot bc ur breath is so hot nd ur voice is so smooth nd my breathing gets rly heavy nd u still got that dam smirk

tristan: Fuck yes, Brad...

brad: "i will..." u start nd i hold my breath as ur hand squeezes my leg

tristan: We aren't even doing anything yet and I'm getting hard...

brad: "do ur math hw" u say moving to reach across the coffee table nd grab the math worksheet nd start doing the problems nd i have major heart eyes 4 u

tristan: ...

brad: wat ;)

tristan: Really? I was honestly ready to shove a hand down my pants...

brad: idk tris this dream is pretty hawt it gets me rly riled up ;)

tristan: Fuck you -.-

brad: do my math hw nd i'll think abt it ;)


	18. 1.8

brad: u looked nice 2day i liek ur haircut

tristan: Uhm...how do you know I got a haircut?

brad: facebooker duh

tristan: ...We aren't friends on Facebook.

brad: yah but soph posted a pic w/ u so i saw

tristan: How do you know her

brad: her brother is dating my best bro so i just kinda kno them

tristan: What? James isn't seeing anyone...

brad: GOTTA BLAST

tristan: BRAD

tristan: WHAT THE FUCK?

tristan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DATING JAMES?

tristan: JAMES IS MY BEST FRIEND WHY WOULDN'T HE TELL ME?

tristan: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE


	19. 1.9

tristan: So I talked to James...

tristan: And he said he did tell me...

tristan: But I was legit hammered when he did...

tristan: God I'm so dumb.

brad: nah boo

brad: they rly werent liek

brad: boasting abt it or anythin

tristan: I know but he's my best friend! I must have seemed so shitty since I never asked how they were doing!

brad: well chill now everything is sorted out

tristan: I don't feel any better Brad...

brad: well i kno somethin that will make u feel allllll better ;))

tristan: Oh really now?

brad: yah rly ;))))))

brad: its like truth or dare

brad: but only with dare ;)))))

tristan: I like that sound of that.

brad: k i will start

brad: trissy

brad: dare or dare

tristan: Hmm...hard choice...

tristan: Dare.

brad: alright

brad: i dare u

brad: like triple dog dare u which means u cant back out

tristan: I won't, and that's a promise ;)

brad: G R E A T!

brad: do my math hw thnx bb u said u wouldnt back out xoxoxoxo 

tristan: I hate you.

brad: :*


	20. 2.0

brad: good morning to the most beautiful perfect wonderful boy on this planet ❤❤❤❤❤

brad: me!!!!!!!!!

tristan: I would be offended, but what you say is true.

brad: AWWW TRISSY


	21. 2.1

tristan: hey brad?

tristan: i need to tell u something...

brad: whats up trissy???

tristan: i dont want to talk to u anymore.

brad: why? did i do something?

tristan: this game isnt fun anymore

tristan: my friends dared me to pretend i liked u

tristan: and its boring now and i dont want to do it anymore

brad: tristan u kno this rly isnt funny

tristan: its not supposed to be lol

tristan: i never liked u not even as a friend

tristan: ur annoying and ugly as fuck and ur a waste of my time

brad: what the fuck?

tristan: delete my number and dont talk to me again

tristan: dont even look at me in school

tristan: are we clear?

brad: ok

tristan: good


	22. 2.2

tristan: Hey Brad!

tristan: It's been a couple of days...

tristan: How's math class going?

tristan: Do you need any help?

tristan: Hellllllllooooo??

tristan: Bradley?

tristan: I miss you, B...

tristan: :(


	23. 2.3

tristan: Dude what the fuck?

tristan: Why did your friend Connor just literally shove me and tell me to leave you alone?

tristan: Are you mad at me?

tristan: Did I come on too strong?

tristan: I'm sorry I thought you felt the same way...

tristan: Brad, please...


	24. 2.4

Tristan Evans cannot stop staring at his phone.

It's nearing a month since a certain brummie hasn't been avoiding any sort of contact with him, and it's honestly taking a toll.

"Hey Tris, stop lookin' at your fuckin' phone for a second. I'm tryin' to plan a party and I need input!" Levi huffed, and Tristan just sighed, giving his phone another quick glance before turning to his bros.

"You alright man?" Nate asked quietly and the blond offered a shrug.

"Yeah, uh shit, sorry. It's just that Brad's been ignoring me and I don't know why..." He mumbled, and Austin rolled his eyes.

"M'sorry mate, I know you really liked him." Nate gave him a small smile and a pat on the shoulder.

Tristan wishes it was James comforting him. A little after Brad stopped talking to him, so did his best fiend, which broke his heart more than the brummie had.

Speaking of James, the blond could see him speed walking for the doors so he could go off school grounds for lunch (where both Connor and Brad were as well).

In a split second decision, Tristan shot out of his seat (Levi cursing him out as he took off), racing towards his friend and grabbing his arm.

"What the fuck?" James practically screeched, pulling away from him.

"Please, Jems, what did I do?" Tristan is already near tears because James won't look at him.

"Did you get too hammered and forget?" He spat, trying to move away.

"James, what are you even talking about?" He questioned, following his best friend who sighed loudly.

"You said some pretty hurtful shit to Brad, Tristan." James whispered harshly.

"What the fuck? I didn't. He's been ingoring me! The last thing I said to him was agreeing when he said he was like the most perfect guy!" Tristan whsipered back, holding his breath as James reached into his pocket.

"Just look. Connor sent me a screenshot, you ass." He held out his phone and Tristan quickly took ahold of it, eyes going big.

"I didn't say this shit! Just, just look! I dont type like that, I'm a fucking hoe when it comes to proper typing, you know that." He started, and James looked like he was about to speak but Tristan kept going.

"And I like him! I have a super big crush on him. please James, you gotta believe me..."

"You have a point, but who the fuck would have sent that shit?" James questioned, taking his phone back and side eyeing his friend.

Tristan heard a loud laugh in the distance and a frown came to his face instantly.

The blond marched back to his table without another word to James.

"Who the fuck did it?" He asked, fists clentched by his sides.

"Tris, what are you--" Nate started but he was cut off.

"Nate, stay out of this, I already know it wasn't you. Now, who the fuck texted Brad from my phone?"

The three other boys at the table didn't answer, but Levi looked as confused as Nate did. Tristan crossed him off the list.

"Well?" He was getting impatient, his voice all too loud and many eyes on them (including James', who hasn't left his spot).

"Listen man, we thought it would be funny." Austin admitted.

"And it was! The guy is a total loser, fuckin' cried and everything." Drew added, and they both let out a laugh.

It didn't last long though, since Tristan's fist went for both of them not a second later.


	25. 2.5

brad: hi

brad: james told me what u did

brad: im sorry u got suspended

tristan: It's only a week, it's fine. Time to myself is nice. Binged a ton of shows.

brad: thats good

brad: im also sorry that i was ignoring u

tristan: I don't blame you Brad. It was Austin and Drew's fault. Not yours or mine.

brad: ik babe

brad: i still feel shitty tho :/

tristan: Stop that! All that matters now is that we are reunited!

brad: i cant believe i missed such a dork lol

tristan: :D


	26. 2.6

tristan: How's school? Miss me yet?

brad: we literally dont interact in school dude

brad: but i miss ur pretty face ig

tristan: I miss your face too.

tristan: And maybe your ass a little bit.

brad: #romantic

tristan: ;)


	27. 2.7

brad: im sosos scsrated tirtdtbv

tristan: Are you okay?

brad: tehre r soso manay cops and firemebe here and theyy wont tell u whatisi haoppenejbg and its been 30 mineuets

brad: i canant findd cocnnor or jamames im soso scared

tristan: Baby just stay calm, okay? You're safe, and so are James and Connor.

tristan: Someone probably just pulled the fire alarm.

brad: yyayah ur rigght

tristan: Try and find a teacher to help you find Connor, okay?

brad: oakay i see grirmmy

brad: ohshit ohs shtit ohSjdity strsian

brad: rirjmy was on his tadifo and iTs s aBOMB

brad: ohfmsygod there eis a abomb in the eschcol we r gogign to die eholy fuck holy fuck ntintofnonono

tristan: Brad, breathe. You are safe and nothing bad is going to happen. I promise.

tristan: Hello?

tristan: Brad???

tristan: Please answer...


	28. 2.8

brad: hey sorry my phone died

brad: they didnt find anything it was just a threat

brad: grimmy let me connor and james leave early tho

brad: james is a much better driver than connor smh

tristan: Fuck, I'm glad your safe. I was super worried. :(

brad: well i am All Okay Now And Not Freaking Out :)

tristan: Good :D

brad: :*


	29. 2.9

brad: hey!!!!

tristan: Hey cutie.

tristan: Lol you text me to just not reply...

brad: sry lmao!!!

brad: i was washing my hair

brad: this beautiful mop needs proper care bro

tristan: Wait what?

tristan: Brad are you in the shower?

brad: hell no

brad: what kind of boy do u think i am

brad: i am taking a bath

brad: with a bathbomb i stole from my sis

tristan: So...

tristan: You're naked right now?

brad: Wow Okay Fuckboy

brad: y u more concerned about my titties being out in the bath than me stealing a bathbomb and like not one of the plain ones a really fancy one from my wonderful sister

tristan: Hormones?

brad: ur a weak ass hoe suck ur own dick btch


	30. 3.0

tristan: Hey I think it's time Brad.

brad: tf u mean

brad: time for what???

tristan: To like

tristan: Meet in person.

brad: oh

brad: ok cool

tristan: Bradley

tristan: Will you go on a date with me?

brad: hmm lemme think about that....

tristan: :(

brad: ya dumb fck ofc i will ;)

tristan: Shit, fuck yeah.

tristan: Tomorrow meet me at four by the park near school? And we can go from there.

brad: i'll b there btch

tristan: :)

**Author's Note:**

> hi i lov the vamps so here i am #rip
> 
> follow me on tumblr @cobracamjunior  
> my vamps twitter is @macklemoretris


End file.
